I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
