Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
