if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You can't motorboat a personality
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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