I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
