When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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