I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
