Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
