You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize