Don't make out with my wife yet
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
