I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
