just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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