Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
