it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
