if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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