just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
