I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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