I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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