Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
