Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize