She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
