remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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