well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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