I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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