blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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