I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
