I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
