This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize