I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
