Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
