I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
