When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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