i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize