She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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