how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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