i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
