Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
