my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
