i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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