There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
