she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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