Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
