Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
