What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
