He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
