I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
