I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
