i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
