The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
