He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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