No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
