this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
