So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
