who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
