Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
