is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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