For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In America we eat man semen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize