Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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