I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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