We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
