My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i came on her dog
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
