Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
