i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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