just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
