i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
