How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize