i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
