maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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