Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
