he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
