You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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