Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
