I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
