whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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