So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
