It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
