Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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