how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
