your parents love me but you hate me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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