I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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