I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
