One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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