Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
