i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
