Got a toothbrush?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
