Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
