Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
