i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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