just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
