we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
