i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
