i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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