Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
