youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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